They have come to destroy our future. Robots with human faces. Just ask John Connor. It won’t be the zombie Apocalypse we have to worry about, no it’ll be those frakin toasters that get us in the end. But before they do, I’m gonna give you a rundown of the most evil cybernetic villains we’ve stumbled across yet.
Lets start with the guy who made Cybernetic Life Form a household name.
Make/model: Cyberdyne Systems Model 101
Purpose: To alternately destroy and save both Sarah Connor and her son, John.
Caution meter: 10
This vicious model will kill you as soon as look at you, especially if he digs your jacket and or sunglasses. He *may* be on a short leash sometimes, but never forget that a properly functioning Terminator, no matter what series, has the potential to rip your arms off and pummel you to death with them.
Moving right along! Next up are my personal favorites, those sexy Cylons.
Holy crap, is that Xena, warrior princess? Hey Xena how are y—… AAArrrgg. My liver, my liver!
Make/Model:Humanoid Cylons (we aren’t talking about any Centurion Model 0005, which were the original Cylons we knew and feared, were’ talking about the hot, ‘I wanna have your half-human baby’ cylons)
Purpose:Quietly and effectively infiltrate the Colonial defense forces, gain access to secret military technology, and have human-cylon hybrid babies.
Caution Meter: 10
I’ve got 20 bucks that says they can kick your A** and make you like it.
Since we’re on the subject of Cybernetic chicks, here’s an old school one.
This is Melanie Griffith before she got all old and weird.
I know what you’re thinking, but she isn’t actually the robot. Basically she’s a tracker hired to help a guy find a replacement body for his cybernetic sex bot. He falls for Melanie, of course, and they ride off into the sunset abandoning his former wife to the junk pile.
Make/Model: Cherry 2000
Purpose: Sex bot, cook, perfect housewife. Avoid bubble baths.
Yes, she was seemingly harmless, but with the strength to bench press a Toyota, I doubt I’d turn my back on a robot scorned.
On to the less attractive Borg.
Fully functioning hive like species bent on not just world but GALACTIC domination.
The borg assimilate their victims, making them part of the collective. What can I say?
Resistance is Futile.
Purpose: Assimilate all living beings
Caution Meter: 10+
It’s already too late. No place to hide and no real weaknesses to speak of, sorry folks, but if you come across one of these guys, run. They DO walk really slow. However, much like zombies and mummies, somehow they will catch you. Eventually.
Finally the most frightening of all evil robots with human faces, Vici.
Oh, don’t let the pretty dress fool you. This pint size weapon of mass destruction is capable of anything. An android in the form of a 10-year-old girl, built by Ted Lawson, an engineer/inventor for United Robotronics, in an effort to assist handicapped children. The robot is taken home by Lawson so that it can mature within a family environment. V.I.C.I.’s features include superhuman strength and speed, an AC outlet under her right arm, a parallel port under her left arm, and an access panel in her back.
Make/Model:V.I.C.I. (an acronym for “Voice Input Child Identicant” pronounced Vicki)
Purpose: Universal Annihilation
Caution Meter: 10++
*warning* Vici was last seen selling girl scout cookies door to door in Madison, Wisconsin. A week later the town was discovered completely abandoned. Sources believe the entire population was eaten bu her vacuum cleaner mouth.
And the most deadly cybernetic organism and winner of today’s Tuesday versus is:
There’s no way she’s not an evil robot.
Till next week everyone!
PS, the winner of two tickets to the Percy Jackson movie is:
Elsha! Woot! Congrats! I’ll get your prize over this week!